One of these days... I swear

I haven't actually designed anything for over a year now. And suddenly, with less than 3 months until I go back to work, I'm finding myself wanting to design. I've been coming up with ideas for different things - finger puppets, desktop wallpaper, pillows, jewelry boxes - but haven't really done anything about it.

Yes, procrastination rears it's ugly head... again.

But this it's more than procrastination. It's trepidation and a realistic lack of time. I'm mom to a very active 8.5-month old, and while I don't work, I have very little time to myself to do anything besides housework.

The trepidation comes from the knowledge - and I admit this freely to anyone who asks - that I have no formal training whatsoever in design. I was working towards a Bachelor's degree in History (with minors in Political Science and Geography) when I quit 7 years ago. Not exactly an education that screams 'creativity'. Heck, it was barely an education to begin with - I only stayed in university so I could keep working at the student newspaper where I learned to write properly (take that, grade 9 English!), take decent photos and the basics of graphic design.

So, yes, I have experience designing, but no formal education, which has been my downfall when it comes to getting a decent job. But I have experience, which counts for something.

As an aside, I tend to over-rationalize some things, like this whole design thing. I know I can do it, but will I let myself? And what list of excuses will I use this time to prevent myself from doing so?

But back to the point I'm attempting to make (and if you've stuck it out this far, yay!) - there's a craving to start designing again somewhere in my head. The only thing I can realistically see holding me up (outside of the usual suspects of procrastination and trepidation) is the logistically problem of actually designing something. I looooove working with vectors and I've tried using some of the free programs out there and nope, can't do it. My only other choice is to go back to my 2002-ish iBook and use Illustrator. That'd be the one for the first edition of CS. I don't have the money to splash out on CS4 right now (or perhaps ever) and I'm technologically inept when it comes to getting it the **other** way.

And there's the fact that my laptop smells, too. That stinks. Ha. Ha.

I have a design for a desktop wallpaper that's been bouncing around for a couple of days, working it's way into something that I could theoretically do, if I have the right tools. And it looks like I've got the right tools... I just need a push (and time) to actually do it.