The more things change...

So.

After a rather intense discussion yesterday with Keith and a few family members about what I plan on doing to get a steady income, I've decided that I'm going ahead with my plans to make and sell bags.

I'm also going to try to get a job. I'm looking at something part-time, hopefully with flexible hours, nothing too out of my league... I don't want to go back to cooking, but I will if I have to. I'll hate it and want to quit every single day, but perhaps being in that situation will encourage me to work harder at this bag thing.

Ha. Ha. Who am I kidding? I'm a sucker for punishment and tend to stay in jobs that I despise for years. I quit the ones I like too soon and often regret it the second I leave.

I'm not giving up the graphic design thing, either. I've come to realize that the market I'm in is quite saturated with designers and I'm nowhere near the skill level of many of them. The ones who call themselves 'designers' and use Microsoft Publisher to produce their friend's wedding invitations are the ones I would be competing against, sadly. I live in a community that is very incestuous - it's all about who you know and what family you're from. I have the experience, but I don't work at one of the big print shops or know the movers and shakers, so I'm SOL for the most part. However, there is a bit of interest with the wedding stationery designing I'm offering. My mom's asked for samples to show to some prospective clients and the big wedding show is here next weekend - and I will have flyers in the goody bags of one of the bridal shops in town (thank you, Keith). So maybe I'll get some jobs from that.

With everything that's been going on lately, I feel like I'm in a much better place in terms of the future. The last thing I want to be doing is something I don't enjoy or can't be successful at, but I still need to help pay bills and put food in Maddy's mouth. It's hard coming to the realization that your plans are not going to go exactly the way you want them to, but I certainly do not plan on giving them up entirely. No matter how many fights or sleepless nights I have because of my decision. Do I think I can be successful? Yes, but everyone thinks that when they start out with some new initiative. My difference is I'm damn well going to be successful. Anyone who doesn't believe me can go poison someone else with their negativity because I'm sure as hell not going to take it anymore.