As I head back to work in a couple of weeks (full-time for 2 weeks, part-time {27 hrs/week} after that), I've come across more than one debate on stay-at-home-moms versus working moms.
I plan on being a work-from-home-mom within the year. In the meantime, I will work part-time at my newspaper job while working on building my from-home business up to a point where I can still have a decent (ie. one that allows the bills to be paid) income. My boyfriend will be our daughter's main caregiver while I'm at work, supported by our respective mothers.
I do not, for one second, think I am lazy or inconsiderate of my daughter's future because I don't want to put her into daycare. The decision to not put her into care was an easy one - I never went as a child and turned out fine. Most kids I knew growing up didn't go into care. In fact, I don't think there was a daycare in my hometown until I was well into elementary school. Yes, we did attend nursery school and some of us were sent to relatives' homes to be babysat, but never an 8-hour child care situation where there are 8 kids for every adult.
I plan on putting Maddy into a few activities as she grows up. We want to get her started on swimming lessons soon; I have a few friends with kids around Maddy's age; we have nephews who, while 4-8 years older than Maddy - really like playing with her. I certainly do not plan on locking myself in the house with Maddy while I work from home. I'm not sure if that's the scenario a lot of working moms think of when they hear someone is going to be a SAHM, but that couldn't be farther from the truth.
Yes, there are days when we don't leave the house. But - and I can't stress this enough - it's not like I'm lying on the couch, eating chocolates while Maddy stumbles around the living room in a dirty diaper with a knife in her hand looking for an open electrical outlet. I have much, much fuller days now that Maddy is in my life. Today alone, I baked 7 loaves of bread, did dishes, portioned out the pears I made for Maddy's breakfast, made some apple-cinnamon pancakes for Maddy, and baked a ham. It is 3:30pm CST right now; I've been up since 6:30am. More often than not, the baking/cooking/cleaning is a typical day; and that does not include feeding, changing, and playing with Maddy, which is a fair amount of time.
I like to be active, and now that Maddy is more independent, I don't worry quite as much about her throwing a fit if I leave the room for a few minutes. I do most of my baking while she's asleep - I don't want to either burn her by accident or end up ruining whatever I'm baking. If I do leave her in the living room - we have this gate which has been a lifesaver - she can see me unless he goes on the other side of the room. And yes, I have been known to use the TV as a temporary sitter while I'm out of the room. I'm not happy about it, but here's how I do it (before I get labeled a bad parent) - Maddy enjoys Sesame Street a lot. Like A LOT. After her breakfast, she gets her face washed, teeth brushed, changed, dressed and I put her in the living room (where all of her toys are), check to see that there's nothing she can hurt herself with within her reach and go back over the gate to the kitchen where I spend 5 minutes doing dishes or tidying up. The entire time I'm in the kitchen, I talk to her - I can hear the TV and will ask her if a favourite character is on or comment on what might be going on. Once I'm done whatever I'm doing, back over the gate, throw a few pillows down on the floor so I can be on her level and play with her until her naptime.
Those 5 minutes I'm not in the room with her? Not the end of the world. At least in my mind. Leaving my daughter with people I don't know from Adam for 8+ hours a day? Big problem.
I may have mentioned it before, but in order for us to send our daughter to day care, I would have to work 2 full-time jobs. One to pay for life, one to pay for the care. So I'd likely be out of the house for at least 10 hours a day (some, probably closer to 15 or 16). What the hell was the point in having her if I was going to work myself to death if I was only going to foist her off on someone else to raise? I did say that we are going to have support from our mothers while I go back to work, but neither of them live here - my mom is 45 minutes away, Keith's is 3 hours away. We can't expect them to quit their jobs and come sit for us whenever we want them to. It's just the way it is.
What's been frosting my ass lately is the working parents/people in general who think that SAHMs or even WFHMs are lazy and are leeches on society. I can guarantee that the vast majority - at least based on my circle of friends - are not leeches. Nor are they lazy. Yes, we do get support from the government, but my $320 a month goes strictly to Maddy. Most parents I know do the same - the child benefits go to the child, no one else. There are a few ne'er-do-wells who have ruined the concept of staying home to raise your children to make them better people for the rest of us (ie. those parents who have kid after kid after kid and don't work as a personal choice). I am quite tired of explaining to people why I want to stay home and raise our daughter over working like a madwoman in order for her to be taught life's lessons by a virtual stranger.
I am well aware that I may end up working outside of home for longer than the next year. I am not going to put my family at risk of losing their home just to fulfill a dream I have. I have no problem (now, at least) of pushing things back a few months or even another year if it means we stay out of the poorhouse. I'm not that naive, but I would like it if people would stop looking down their damn noses at me when I say I want to stay home rather than working in an office while my daughter is growing up. Just because other people couldn't do it - or wouldn't do it - should have no bearing on me and my situation, but in this day and age of lightning-fast commentary, everyone has an opinion and thinks that it's the only right one.
Sunday morning
First off, two (re)finds of the day:
1000 Awesome Things - I haven't had a chance to go through the entire site, but just based on the first page, I can definitely say it's awesome. Came across the link at PostSecret.
FOUND Magazine - I remember spending an entire afternoon at one of my design jobs going through this site, reading other people's shopping lists and love notes and just random bits of paper. I often wonder what other people think of notes that I've dropped while shopping or walking, and if one of them will end up on this site one day.
It's an untypical Sunday around our house. Keith is off to the big city for the celebration of a family friend who is dying of cancer so Maddy and I will hang out with my mom for the afternoon. In reality, my mom will play with Maddy - or chase her, as she's started to walk lately - while I clean the house in anticipation of Keith's parents' visit this week.
Typically, Sundays are relaxing days. I try to keep the TV off for as long as I can when Maddy's up so she can play with her toys (or me) instead of getting distracted by the picture box. Today, with my mom here, the TV will likely be on more than I want, but it happens and I'm not going to get upset by it.
Another reason I've been trying the more music-less TV scheme is Maddy's attrocious sleep patterns. She sleeps fairly well during the day, 2 naps, usually 1.5-2 hours each. It's the overnight sleep that's the issue... well, still the issue, even after 10 months. There's so many back issues with her sleep that I just don't want to go into, but we've been working with her for a few months now to get her to sleep through the night. I have had success twice - only 2 times in 3 months has she slept straight from the time we put her down at 9pm and stayed asleep until 6am.
Her usual sleep pattern through the night is bed at 9pm, awake at 12 or 1 and up, fussing, crying or attempting to play until 2 or 3 and then co-sleeping with me until 6am. I'm done with co-sleeping; it's gotten to where she sleeps and I don't. I go back to work in 3 weeks. Co-sleeping has to end and it has to be now.
We tried the cry it out method to little success. I mean, it has worked in some ways - she went from sleeping in 45 minute stretches to 3 or so hours and being able to fall asleep in her crib rather than us holding her, but otherwise it was a pretty big failure. I don't take blame for it, nor do I blame Maddy, but I do place a fair share of blame on the public health nurses we had when she was born. (For more of a background on this, see this post.) With me going back to work so soon, I've become so frustrated with her and her inability to sleep at night that I've passed the job of 'fixing' her sleep off to Keith. I don't recommend this method to everyone, but in our case, and only our case, in my opinion, his method worked - he let her cry. For an hour. He was 10 feet away, in a different room, but he let her settle herself and she slept. I had a hard time waking her up this morning, in fact. But she slept. And that's the main thing.
Do I think we've messed her up by doing this? Hell no. I think she'd have much bigger problems if we let her sleep issues continue (and I'd have problems, too, with the sleep deprivation I've had for 10 months and going back to work and driving back and forth to work, but this is about Maddy), and we had discussed what we would do at length. I love her to pieces and would not hurt her on purpose. I think she feels the same way about her dad and I, too - she's still the same kid she was yesterday, with the exception of the walking. I don't think there will be any long-term ramifications from letting her cry herself to sleep. I refuse to be a helicopter parent and want her to be as independent as possible at this age. I will be there when she needs me, but she needs to start being her own little person, too.
1000 Awesome Things - I haven't had a chance to go through the entire site, but just based on the first page, I can definitely say it's awesome. Came across the link at PostSecret.
FOUND Magazine - I remember spending an entire afternoon at one of my design jobs going through this site, reading other people's shopping lists and love notes and just random bits of paper. I often wonder what other people think of notes that I've dropped while shopping or walking, and if one of them will end up on this site one day.
It's an untypical Sunday around our house. Keith is off to the big city for the celebration of a family friend who is dying of cancer so Maddy and I will hang out with my mom for the afternoon. In reality, my mom will play with Maddy - or chase her, as she's started to walk lately - while I clean the house in anticipation of Keith's parents' visit this week.
Typically, Sundays are relaxing days. I try to keep the TV off for as long as I can when Maddy's up so she can play with her toys (or me) instead of getting distracted by the picture box. Today, with my mom here, the TV will likely be on more than I want, but it happens and I'm not going to get upset by it.
Another reason I've been trying the more music-less TV scheme is Maddy's attrocious sleep patterns. She sleeps fairly well during the day, 2 naps, usually 1.5-2 hours each. It's the overnight sleep that's the issue... well, still the issue, even after 10 months. There's so many back issues with her sleep that I just don't want to go into, but we've been working with her for a few months now to get her to sleep through the night. I have had success twice - only 2 times in 3 months has she slept straight from the time we put her down at 9pm and stayed asleep until 6am.
Her usual sleep pattern through the night is bed at 9pm, awake at 12 or 1 and up, fussing, crying or attempting to play until 2 or 3 and then co-sleeping with me until 6am. I'm done with co-sleeping; it's gotten to where she sleeps and I don't. I go back to work in 3 weeks. Co-sleeping has to end and it has to be now.
We tried the cry it out method to little success. I mean, it has worked in some ways - she went from sleeping in 45 minute stretches to 3 or so hours and being able to fall asleep in her crib rather than us holding her, but otherwise it was a pretty big failure. I don't take blame for it, nor do I blame Maddy, but I do place a fair share of blame on the public health nurses we had when she was born. (For more of a background on this, see this post.) With me going back to work so soon, I've become so frustrated with her and her inability to sleep at night that I've passed the job of 'fixing' her sleep off to Keith. I don't recommend this method to everyone, but in our case, and only our case, in my opinion, his method worked - he let her cry. For an hour. He was 10 feet away, in a different room, but he let her settle herself and she slept. I had a hard time waking her up this morning, in fact. But she slept. And that's the main thing.
Do I think we've messed her up by doing this? Hell no. I think she'd have much bigger problems if we let her sleep issues continue (and I'd have problems, too, with the sleep deprivation I've had for 10 months and going back to work and driving back and forth to work, but this is about Maddy), and we had discussed what we would do at length. I love her to pieces and would not hurt her on purpose. I think she feels the same way about her dad and I, too - she's still the same kid she was yesterday, with the exception of the walking. I don't think there will be any long-term ramifications from letting her cry herself to sleep. I refuse to be a helicopter parent and want her to be as independent as possible at this age. I will be there when she needs me, but she needs to start being her own little person, too.
At freaking last
I've got the printer. I've got the graphics (some of them, anyway). I have what may pass as a plan.
And apparently I have a dozen or so designs done. This, the design on the left, is one of those dozen. It's not bad, I think. I spent the better part of what free time I've had the last few days working on the designs. They certainly aren't my best work, but considering I haven't done any design in over a year, they're not bad.
There's a strong pre-WWII theme that seems to be influencing what I'm doing. And I have no problem with that. I don't intend to stay in only one era with my designs, but I do like the sleekness of Art Deco/Nouveau, while admiring the complexity of the artwork that came out of Medieval Europe. I'm not a fan of 'newer' design - in fact, I would have to say that almost everything post-1980 seems really contrived to me. Perhaps it's because that's what I've been exposed to most being a member of the illustrious Generation X, but I really do find it boring. And overdone.
So a few designs under my belt and I've got tons more floating around in my head. I'm still fiddling with the printer situation - my inkjet isn't printing in black and white the way I want, while the laserjet is printing beautifully in black and white and does not do colour. And it was probably a good descision on my part to buy the cheaper cardstock rather than the $15-for-25-sheets pack. I've got a nifty stack of 'wasted' cardstock (don't worry, they will be recycled) sitting here, proving that I am a designer and everyone who thinks that I would be better off stuffing envelopes for a living can piss off.
(The design is one of a series of bookplates that I'm working on. I'm not sure I'm happy with the end results and may not offer them up for sale, but if you're interested in them, drop me a line and I'll see what I can do.)
And apparently I have a dozen or so designs done. This, the design on the left, is one of those dozen. It's not bad, I think. I spent the better part of what free time I've had the last few days working on the designs. They certainly aren't my best work, but considering I haven't done any design in over a year, they're not bad.There's a strong pre-WWII theme that seems to be influencing what I'm doing. And I have no problem with that. I don't intend to stay in only one era with my designs, but I do like the sleekness of Art Deco/Nouveau, while admiring the complexity of the artwork that came out of Medieval Europe. I'm not a fan of 'newer' design - in fact, I would have to say that almost everything post-1980 seems really contrived to me. Perhaps it's because that's what I've been exposed to most being a member of the illustrious Generation X, but I really do find it boring. And overdone.
So a few designs under my belt and I've got tons more floating around in my head. I'm still fiddling with the printer situation - my inkjet isn't printing in black and white the way I want, while the laserjet is printing beautifully in black and white and does not do colour. And it was probably a good descision on my part to buy the cheaper cardstock rather than the $15-for-25-sheets pack. I've got a nifty stack of 'wasted' cardstock (don't worry, they will be recycled) sitting here, proving that I am a designer and everyone who thinks that I would be better off stuffing envelopes for a living can piss off.
(The design is one of a series of bookplates that I'm working on. I'm not sure I'm happy with the end results and may not offer them up for sale, but if you're interested in them, drop me a line and I'll see what I can do.)
Smooth
I go through phases where I just turn against my usual musical tastes. Apparently, there isn't a single thing I want to listen to in my 32GB+ library. When that happens - the sudden hatred - I tend to turn to the list of radio streams on iTunes. More often than not in the past, I've fallen back on my favourite indie station - CBC3. A great selection of independent Canadian bands, many of which I've become a fan of over the years.
This past week, I've apparently completely turned against 'my music' - indie/alternative, 90s Canadian rock bands, Beatles, stuff like that. So radically that I have become addicted to the Sentimental Journey stream from 1clubfm.com. I don't know if it's because I've been searching out more and more pre-WWII images to work with for my stationery, or it just complete boredom with the music I've been listening to for almost 20 years, but I love this station. I love the music. LOVE IT.
I've tried to always have music on when we're playing with our daughter. At first, I tried having more kid-friendly music, but she's never really gotten into it, outside of a small handful of old Disney songs. And for the last few months, we've been listening to the music I've got on my computer. She got bored with that around the same time I did. This new choice in music - songs from the 40s-60s, old crooners and big band stuff - she loves. LOVES.
And because I've never heard most of these songs or, if I have, they were snippets in movies or something, I'm not finding myself bored with it. Which is nice, considering how many times in a row I was hitting the 'next song' button with my music. And this music - the instrumentals, the old classics sung by the original singers - is incredibly relaxing. Maybe it'll help me actually get some work done.
This past week, I've apparently completely turned against 'my music' - indie/alternative, 90s Canadian rock bands, Beatles, stuff like that. So radically that I have become addicted to the Sentimental Journey stream from 1clubfm.com. I don't know if it's because I've been searching out more and more pre-WWII images to work with for my stationery, or it just complete boredom with the music I've been listening to for almost 20 years, but I love this station. I love the music. LOVE IT.
I've tried to always have music on when we're playing with our daughter. At first, I tried having more kid-friendly music, but she's never really gotten into it, outside of a small handful of old Disney songs. And for the last few months, we've been listening to the music I've got on my computer. She got bored with that around the same time I did. This new choice in music - songs from the 40s-60s, old crooners and big band stuff - she loves. LOVES.
And because I've never heard most of these songs or, if I have, they were snippets in movies or something, I'm not finding myself bored with it. Which is nice, considering how many times in a row I was hitting the 'next song' button with my music. And this music - the instrumentals, the old classics sung by the original singers - is incredibly relaxing. Maybe it'll help me actually get some work done.
Running out of excuses
The Art Institute of Vancouver has a Right Brain vs Left Brain Creativity Test. I've been doing a lot of self-debating lately over my future prospects with the designing/crafting stuff I'm looking at getting into and thought the test could be a good gauge for me to see if I do have what it takes.
Just a bit of background - I was never pegged to be a creative person in high school. With all the aptitude tests we took, my results always came back with more labour-intensive jobs than anything. I never flexed my creative muscles in high school - I didn't start doing anything creative, outside of typical childhood crafts, until I was in my third year of university and joined the student newspaper. And, as they say, the rest is history.
My results:
So maybe it's not so far-fetched that I could be successful at this design thing as I thought. Guess now that I have the printer, and these results, I have no excuses not to take the big leap and let people see my work and maybe, just maybe, buy it.
Or not.
Who knows.
Pessimism, thy name is me.
Just a bit of background - I was never pegged to be a creative person in high school. With all the aptitude tests we took, my results always came back with more labour-intensive jobs than anything. I never flexed my creative muscles in high school - I didn't start doing anything creative, outside of typical childhood crafts, until I was in my third year of university and joined the student newspaper. And, as they say, the rest is history.
My results:
Thank you for taking the Creativity Test. The results show your brain dominance as being:Dead on. And scarily so. Except for most of those occupations - definitely not cut out to be a forest ranger, athlete, beautician or actor/actress.
You are more right-brained than left-brained. The right side of your brain controls the left side of your body. In addition to being known as right-brained, you are also known as a creative thinker who uses feeling and intuition to gather information. You retain this information through the use of images and patterns. You are able to visualize the "whole" picture first, and then work backwards to put the pieces together to create the "whole" picture. Your thought process can appear quite illogical and meandering. The problem-solving techniques that you use involve free association, which is often very innovative and creative. The routes taken to arrive at your conclusions are completely opposite to what a left-brained person would be accustomed. You probably find it easy to express yourself using art, dance, or music. Some occupations usually held by a right-brained person are forest ranger, athlete, beautician, actor/actress, craftsman, and artist.
Left Brain Right Brain 44% 56%
So maybe it's not so far-fetched that I could be successful at this design thing as I thought. Guess now that I have the printer, and these results, I have no excuses not to take the big leap and let people see my work and maybe, just maybe, buy it.
Or not.
Who knows.
Pessimism, thy name is me.
Making something that appears to be progress
After humming and hawing for weeks, if not months, about what I'm going to bring in the income I need to help keep a roof over our heads, I think I've finally nailed down what I can (and can't do).
Stationery. I've mentioned that before, but this time, it's definite. There's even a printer on the way to make this happen. I wanted to be able to do some Christmas gift tags to sell in my soon-to-exist Etsy store, but there's no time this year. By the time I got the printer, did some test runs, set up the store, and started promoting my stuff, it'd be December 1. Pretty unlikely that people would be getting their purchases in good time for putting on Christmas gifts. So I'm putting the 20 or so tags that I've already done on the backburner until next year.
For the time being - probably until the end of December - I'm going to work on bookplates, notecards, stickers and some photos (some, definitely not all). In the new year, I want to start spreading the word locally that I can - and do - design wedding packages (but not arrange for printing. My main selling point is I'm not choice #3 at the local mega print shop. You want a grinning tiger on the invites? I can sure as hell try to find one.) for a decent price. Will I be successful? Maybe, maybe not, but I won't know until I try.
I also plan on making baby slippers/houseshoes. I wanted to get my daughter a pair of slippers for the winter to wear around the house and could not find a pair for less than $35 or, if they were decently priced, in her size. So I found a pattern, was given some material by my mom and made a pair. And then another and another and another. The final pair are the test pair for my design - a modified version of the first pair I made. Again, will it be successful? Who knows?
Baking. People love the fudge I make. It's a 'lite' version of traditional fudge. Really, it's more like chocolate brittle, but people love it. Every time I make a batch and drop it off at the restaurant I used to work at, I get told it's a guaranteed gold mine if I ever decided to sell it. I haven't really tried to, but it's one of those things that I'm convinced people will hate and decide that they can do it better... typical undermining of myself and abilities.
There's other stuff I want to do, too, like get into jewelry making and other sewing projects, like aprons and shopping bags. It's weird, this sudden drive I have to do crafts and handiwork. Until I had my daughter, I never really considered myself a 'handy' person, more of a technical/mental person, really. But I've proven to myself, nevermind other people, that I can do it and do it well. That surprises me the most.
The underlying fear that I've mentioned before when it comes to what other people think is starting to subside (or it's burying itself deeper, not sure which). I think it's time to take the plunge and not worry about everyone else and just concern myself with me and my family. If I enjoy what I do and can still make ends meet, then all is good. Hopefully. Maybe.
Stationery. I've mentioned that before, but this time, it's definite. There's even a printer on the way to make this happen. I wanted to be able to do some Christmas gift tags to sell in my soon-to-exist Etsy store, but there's no time this year. By the time I got the printer, did some test runs, set up the store, and started promoting my stuff, it'd be December 1. Pretty unlikely that people would be getting their purchases in good time for putting on Christmas gifts. So I'm putting the 20 or so tags that I've already done on the backburner until next year.
For the time being - probably until the end of December - I'm going to work on bookplates, notecards, stickers and some photos (some, definitely not all). In the new year, I want to start spreading the word locally that I can - and do - design wedding packages (but not arrange for printing. My main selling point is I'm not choice #3 at the local mega print shop. You want a grinning tiger on the invites? I can sure as hell try to find one.) for a decent price. Will I be successful? Maybe, maybe not, but I won't know until I try.
I also plan on making baby slippers/houseshoes. I wanted to get my daughter a pair of slippers for the winter to wear around the house and could not find a pair for less than $35 or, if they were decently priced, in her size. So I found a pattern, was given some material by my mom and made a pair. And then another and another and another. The final pair are the test pair for my design - a modified version of the first pair I made. Again, will it be successful? Who knows?
Baking. People love the fudge I make. It's a 'lite' version of traditional fudge. Really, it's more like chocolate brittle, but people love it. Every time I make a batch and drop it off at the restaurant I used to work at, I get told it's a guaranteed gold mine if I ever decided to sell it. I haven't really tried to, but it's one of those things that I'm convinced people will hate and decide that they can do it better... typical undermining of myself and abilities.
There's other stuff I want to do, too, like get into jewelry making and other sewing projects, like aprons and shopping bags. It's weird, this sudden drive I have to do crafts and handiwork. Until I had my daughter, I never really considered myself a 'handy' person, more of a technical/mental person, really. But I've proven to myself, nevermind other people, that I can do it and do it well. That surprises me the most.
The underlying fear that I've mentioned before when it comes to what other people think is starting to subside (or it's burying itself deeper, not sure which). I think it's time to take the plunge and not worry about everyone else and just concern myself with me and my family. If I enjoy what I do and can still make ends meet, then all is good. Hopefully. Maybe.
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