A new chapter

I have decided against making any New Year's resolutions this year. Like 99% of the population, I've made resolutions in the past and failed to keep them, so I figured that this year, I would avoid the inevitable and just not resolve to do anything.

Instead, I'm making plans. Big plans. Ginormous plans. Monumental plans. Plans that will (hopefully) change a lot of things in my life.

• Business - I am going to start my own business. I am going to take the $200 leap and get a business license so I can do all of *this* above board and legitimately as possible. 
• Organization - Keith gave me a wonderfully awesome day planner for Christmas and I intend on using it daily. I also plan to have my desk cleared off and organized by the end of the week. I can't live lurching moment to moment anymore.
• Family - Because I plan on working from home, for the most part, I don't want to spend my family time - pretty much anytime that Keith's not working - playing catchup with housework or dealing the inconsequential stuff that I've been taking on. I know that there's no way for us to spend all of our family time doing family stuff, but I want to spend more of it together and not doing laundry or dishes or running errands.
• Creative/Skill Building - I want to learn how to make jewelry this year. And I plan on making a lot of Maddy's summer clothes. I would like to either take a photography class or even just learn by trial-and-error how to take better pictures. No point in going overboard, but those three are on the 'must do' list this year.

I think 2010 will be a good year for me. Now that I'm not guided by a job, I have to think for myself and choose my destiny (ooooh, look at me wax philosophical...), and by doing so, maybe I'll learn a bit more about myself. This year was the year of some pretty massive changes, so why can't 2010 be the year where I apply what I learned from those changes?

The only thing holding me back from my plans is a lack of will. And a bit of disorganization. More the former than the latter, really... it's time to, as they say, put up or shut up. I think I'm ready for a bit of a fight this year.

Sticking my toe in the water

I've been spending a fair amount of 'free' time I have lately trying to find inspiration to get moving on my somewhat-potentially-misguided attempt at working for myself. I've been scouring various - 100+ plus at this point - design blogs, looking for something to make me go 'I can do that. In fact, I can do it better!' in hopes that I will, in fact, do something that is better.

I am not a fan of replication. I have no problem with variation, but trying to do something someone else has done without even trying to put your own style on it? That's not design; that's no better than plagiarism, and as a journalist in a former life, that's completely sacreligious. A big no-no. I like to be inspired to do something fresh and new, not something that looks like 15 other things out there.

And there will be an occasional case where something I come up with will be quite similar to someone else's product, but it is more than likely pure coincidence, and not an attempt to move in on their territory. I know what I like, and I know my skill level. There are a lot of things out there I have no hopes of replicating or want to. I don't like frou-frou stuff, but I do have a great admiration for a lot of pre-WWII art and will take full advantage of being influenced by it.

As for the blogs I've been scouring, I've bookmarked a lot of them here. One day, I'll try to get around to including them on my blog as a permanent, always-evolving list, but for now, this is the easiest method. And because I'm not only a graphic designer but a crafter, too, there are a small, but growing, number of non-GD blogs I've got on that list. I want to try my hand at jewelry design sometime in the next year and would like to start sewing more, but as with everything else in my life right now, time is not on my side. But with a little organization and help from Keith and my mom (and anyone else who's willing), I should be able to set aside some time to actually work on my products. *fingers crossed*

Needle in a haystack

Now that Christmas is over and we've been stuffed and spoiled (Maddy infinitely more than either Keith or I, of course), it's time for me to actually do something about this whole freelance/crafter/designer thing I've been humming and hawing about for months now.

Problem #1: My desk.

 This is my desk as of 10 minutes ago. Abysmal, isn't it? The sad part is I used to be perfectly okay with working like this. Not anymore, if only because I can't find my notebook. Cleaning my desk requires a decent chunk of time, what with the filing and sorting and general need to not lose this month's bills.

Organization is definitely not my forté, but I'm also not the only one who uses my desk. (I say 'my' because I brought it into the relationship and have had it for close to 27 years.) However, because I use it the most, it becomes easy to take on the organization/cleanliness of when it has to be done. And right now, it has to be done. Boo.

Maybe I should be doing that rather than this...

Here goes...

My attempt at getting some freelance work. This is actually a business card prototype - likely the winner in final bracket of 7 - that I'm planning on handing out and pinning up on bulletin boards around town. I like it, I think people will like it and it's hopefully what will get me some work and help pay the bills.

In case you're interested, I work (and have for 13, almost 14, years) in print. I have a wee bit of web experience, but it's nothing to write home about. Compiling a portfolio to put online is on my list of things I need to do, but haven't yet. I'm the first to admit that my skills aren't the greatest, but they've improved vastly over the last 6 or 7 years and I'm always willing to learn and figure out new techniques. I'm quick and try to be original, but take a lot of influence from eras gone by, especially pre-WWII.

So, that's it. My first step into the wonderful world of freelance. My name is out there. Or, rather, my prototype business card is out there. Kind of exciting, yet nauseating all at the same time.

Now what?

Now that I'm officially done working at the paper, I'm feeling slightly rudderless. This is the first time I've been willingly unemployed. No job to move on to in the near future, no prospects (outside of random minimum wage jobs that any carbon-based life form could get), nothing. Well, not nothing, but nothing.

There's a timeline I'm trying to stick to to get things on the move. I want to have a whole pile of stuff done by Christmas, but now that I've finally given in and accepted that Christmas is in fact on Friday and not Saturday next week, I don't know if I'll have enough time. Add into the mix the Christmas dinner we're hosting (and cooking) and shopping and family/friend obliagtions... eep.

I'm seriously thinking about making time management/life organization my number on resolution this year. I have an idea of what I need to get done most days, but accomplishing even half of that list is becoming more and more impossible. And it's not like I've taken on a lot of extra work or anything - it's just simple mismanagement of my time. Maddy does not need me right beside her when she's playing anymore; she can play with her toys quite well by herself and I can still see here and talk to her from the kitchen while I do dishes/bake/cook. There is no harm in starting to integrate a little independence into her life at this age. But my time with her is just the tipping point of my time management issues.

I've thought about using an organizer and scheduling my life hour-by-hour, but that just seems like it would suck. And be depressing. No spontaneity, no freedom, no relaxation. But an organizer/day planner is going to have to make it's way into my life as a permanent fixture in the new year, I fear. I used to have a good memory and not need to write everything down; apparently having a child robs you of that ability. Sigh.

But it's nice to be done work. And not be stressed about it anymore. My two weeks weren't as bad as I feared and it was nice to see a lot of people I hadn't seen since I went on leave 15 months ago. I don't see myself ever working out there again, but I will visit. For the most part, there's a lot of good people in my company, but they tend to operate only according to predetermined policies and procedures, which, in turn, makes one want to stab themselves in the eye several times with a red-hot poker when dealing with them.

Onwards and upwards, I guess.

Precipice

With less than 2 days of work to go (Friday is our company Christmas party and an early release from work afternoon), I've managed to keep fairly 'busy' doing 'things' at my not-as-ugly-as-I-remember job. I didn't have much to do with the last issue of the year last week during production and have spent the majority of my 8 days archiving and tidying.

The excitement. It never ends.

This is why tomorrow, I plan on spending my day doing as little actual constructive work as possible. I have one thing that has to be done - a wrap-up/to-do list for my replacement. If all goes according to plan, she'll be the one who's been doing my job for the last few months. And because my company is completely inept when it comes to being proactive about training and management, she's missing big chunks of how the office is actually supposed to run. It doesn't help that the previous manager is/was a moron and that the new one wants as little to do with the non-newspaper side of the office as possible. He (the new boss, who just strikes me as off in a way I can't quite put my finger on) has yet to realize that he's the one who is responsible for everything that goes on in the office and that he is the face of the office. He is expected to attend certain events; he is expected to do things that he is asked to; he has responsibilities that his staff can not, nor should not, do. And then there's his abject opposition to the weather...

Tomorrow is my last real day of work at the paper. I don't know if I'll ever work at another paper, but if I do, it won't be for a while. A long while. I think this job has done what every other newspaper job has threatened to do: change my approach to my career. I like designing. I like editing. I hate writing. I want to design and edit for a living. There are no jobs for designing editors around here, so I have to make one for myself.

My plan tomorrow is to have a cup of coffee (or several) and go through 50 of the world's best design blogs (found via Etsy's Twitter feed). I'm not sure if I'll find inspiration or discouragement by gorging myself on other people's designs, but I think it's a nice way to spend a day, trapped in a sunless office with a boss who barely speaks.

I'm still working on what I'm going to do after Friday. I have a list that I'm working on of what I can do, what I want to do, and what I have to do. I've been tossing around the idea of setting a deadline for myself - if I don't make $X by X day, I have to find a job - but I worry that doing something like that is only going to force me to either produce shit or give up and just get a damn job. I don't want a damn job, I want to work for myself. Problem is, what the hell am I going to do to keep from having to get that damn job?

Soul stealing

The Big Picture

Now I know what I'm doing with my afternoon.

Brr. Brrrrrr. BRRRRRRRR.

A couple of nifty finds for this very frosty (-17C, -27C with the wind) Friday:

Historical Anatomies on the Web An extensive collection of scans from anatomical atlases from the 15th to 20th centuries. I've been on the hunt for unique and interesting scans from old books and texts lately to use for my 'products' and came across this site late one night. I don't know what I like more about the artwork - the looks on the models faces as they pull up their skin to show the reader what is where, or the reliance on proportions in the earlier books. I haven't gone through them all yet, but I'm imagining there's some real treasures hidden in the scans.

LAC/BAC Photostream The Library and Archieves of Canada has a wonderful collection of photos and artwork available for everyone to look at online. I know this isn't all the items they have, but from what I've gathered just skimming through, the majority of what they have available on this photostream are from pre-1920. There's a lot of WWI items and a fair amount of 'how this country was built'-type of photos. Things that history (and old photo) nuts like me love.

---

I spent the last couple of days polishing up my resume to apply for a job I've had before. I worked at the 'other' weekly here a few years ago and loved it. I made some good friends and learned a lot; it was a no-brainer that I was going to apply when I saw the job posting in the paper the other day. Now, I'm not sure what to do if I get the job.

I still want to work for myself, but I know that if I were to get this job, I would be happy. I don't know what kind of hours they are looking at, but if it works with my ideal schedule, then great. I had been planning to work for a bit at my soon-to-be-former job anyway, so if I can make it work, I will. But I don't want to keep delaying this other thing I want to work on. Can I find time to do both? Sure, if I can convince Maddy that just because I'm on the other side of her gate does not mean I can't talk to her. I love her, but sometimes, the needy-clingy thing gets a little old. I'm trying to work with her on playing by herself and it seems to be working, sometimes. Othertimes, I'm surprised she doesn't just start throwing toys at me.

I don't want to start thinking I've got this job sewn up. There are a few other designers here in town that I know are looking for work and if one of them gets chosen ahead of me, fine. But I don't think I could have lived with myself if I hadn't at least tried to get it. In the meantime, I start back at work on Monday for my last 2 weeks and then it's Christmas and all that fun stuff, so I'll be busy enough to keep my mind occupied. Or, at least, I hope so.

Awe.Some.

I go back to my job next Monday, working 2 weeks at full-time hours in order to avoid repaying my employer the few thousand dollars they used to 'top up' my EI payments for 17 weeks. I am also starting the last 2 weeks at said job next Monday.

Because I work for a procedure and policy crazy company, I am not allowed to either be demoted or cut my hours for my position. So I quit. Not officially yet, though... I'm making them wait until Monday when I can access my work email to send the official word. This also delays their search for my replacement by a week, missing out on the ever-popular weekend help wanted ads. But I know, and they likely know, too, that the person who will get my job is doing my job right now as my 'replacement'.

Maybe this happened for a reason. I certainly was not looking forward to going back to work. Especially at this job. I've lost a lot of admiration for my job over the last 18-20 months. I like being a designer and editor, but not under severe restrictions and rules. So maybe this decision by my boss and his boss (and likely with heavy handed input from HR) is going to make my hopes to be self-employed move a little faster. I haven't really done anything beyond work on some designs and collect some graphics for the last few weeks, but now, with no job after the 18th, which also means no income, maybe getting back to work on actually legitimately starting this 'business' is something I should be doing.

Or maybe I should just go and find a part-time job for a bit to help with bills while I work on my plans. I don't want to assume that I'm going to find a job immediately - it is the Christmas season, but I finish at my job a week before Christmas, so it's pretty unlikely I'd start anywhere for a while - but I need to have a plan. Or several.

I have no idea what the future holds, but I don't plan on just throwing in the towel and taking whatever job I can. I need to keep my family in mind when looking and I'd like to actually like my job for a change, and if I can find something that's a little different from what I tend to end up doing (cooking, newspapers), even better. A little change of pace probably wouldn't hurt.

In a perfect world, I wouldn't go back to work at all and happily do my 'specialized stationery', as I've started referring to my projects as, staying at home, raising my daughter. Money wouldn't be an issue and it would be all sunshine and rainbows all the time. In reality, we have bills to pay, a house to maintain and a daughter to raise. I have a feeling that I'm going to lose this battle and end up working full-time anyway, putting my dreams on hold, yet again, potentially forever this time.