Well, here goes

Mortified. Terrified. Second-guessing. Blank.

That's how I feel today - November 1. I'm so, so, so screwed. I'm not sure if I'm ready to start this novel - whatever novel it is. Heck, I'm pretty sure I'm not ready to start it today... I haven't finished getting what preparation done that I wanted to have done before I started, I'm not sure I'll actually have time to start it today, I'm pretty sure that whatever I'm going to end up writing is going to be pure crap.

Yeah, it's November 1st, all right - you can tell by my trepidation at starting a novel :)

Honestly, I'm more concerned this Nov. 1 than I have been for the last two. See, for the last year I haven't written a single word - except what I've posted on my blogs. Somehow I developed a mental block when it came to writing. For a while, I had a 'legitimate' excuse - no internet on my computer - then a couple of months ago when I did get the internet, I was too 'busy' (lazy, procrastinated {if that's a word}, distracted by the box with the moving pictures) to write.

Now, it's crunch time. Most of my friends and family know I do this. I don't go on and on about what I'm doing, but I will use them to bounce ideas off of and as a physically live being I can go up to and say 'it's not working!!!!! he won't go do what I want him to!!!' which can usually lead to a slightly confused look becuase these are characters I'm talking about, not a dog.

I'm going to spend my day at work thinking about what I'm going to do. But if I don't at least start today, I'm worried I won't start at all. And if I don't start at all, I may just end up leaving my dreams of writing for a living behind.

This is a reason we need more days in the week, or why I need to quit one of my jobs. Maybe I should start playing the lottery more frequently and make those dreams come true... of course, I'd need to actually remember to buy tickets and check them...