So.
After a rather intense discussion yesterday with Keith and a few family members about what I plan on doing to get a steady income, I've decided that I'm going ahead with my plans to make and sell bags.
I'm also going to try to get a job. I'm looking at something part-time, hopefully with flexible hours, nothing too out of my league... I don't want to go back to cooking, but I will if I have to. I'll hate it and want to quit every single day, but perhaps being in that situation will encourage me to work harder at this bag thing.
Ha. Ha. Who am I kidding? I'm a sucker for punishment and tend to stay in jobs that I despise for years. I quit the ones I like too soon and often regret it the second I leave.
I'm not giving up the graphic design thing, either. I've come to realize that the market I'm in is quite saturated with designers and I'm nowhere near the skill level of many of them. The ones who call themselves 'designers' and use Microsoft Publisher to produce their friend's wedding invitations are the ones I would be competing against, sadly. I live in a community that is very incestuous - it's all about who you know and what family you're from. I have the experience, but I don't work at one of the big print shops or know the movers and shakers, so I'm SOL for the most part. However, there is a bit of interest with the wedding stationery designing I'm offering. My mom's asked for samples to show to some prospective clients and the big wedding show is here next weekend - and I will have flyers in the goody bags of one of the bridal shops in town (thank you, Keith). So maybe I'll get some jobs from that.
With everything that's been going on lately, I feel like I'm in a much better place in terms of the future. The last thing I want to be doing is something I don't enjoy or can't be successful at, but I still need to help pay bills and put food in Maddy's mouth. It's hard coming to the realization that your plans are not going to go exactly the way you want them to, but I certainly do not plan on giving them up entirely. No matter how many fights or sleepless nights I have because of my decision. Do I think I can be successful? Yes, but everyone thinks that when they start out with some new initiative. My difference is I'm damn well going to be successful. Anyone who doesn't believe me can go poison someone else with their negativity because I'm sure as hell not going to take it anymore.
Showing posts with label what am I doing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label what am I doing. Show all posts
Now what?
Now that I'm officially done working at the paper, I'm feeling slightly rudderless. This is the first time I've been willingly unemployed. No job to move on to in the near future, no prospects (outside of random minimum wage jobs that any carbon-based life form could get), nothing. Well, not nothing, but nothing.
There's a timeline I'm trying to stick to to get things on the move. I want to have a whole pile of stuff done by Christmas, but now that I've finally given in and accepted that Christmas is in fact on Friday and not Saturday next week, I don't know if I'll have enough time. Add into the mix the Christmas dinner we're hosting (and cooking) and shopping and family/friend obliagtions... eep.
I'm seriously thinking about making time management/life organization my number on resolution this year. I have an idea of what I need to get done most days, but accomplishing even half of that list is becoming more and more impossible. And it's not like I've taken on a lot of extra work or anything - it's just simple mismanagement of my time. Maddy does not need me right beside her when she's playing anymore; she can play with her toys quite well by herself and I can still see here and talk to her from the kitchen while I do dishes/bake/cook. There is no harm in starting to integrate a little independence into her life at this age. But my time with her is just the tipping point of my time management issues.
I've thought about using an organizer and scheduling my life hour-by-hour, but that just seems like it would suck. And be depressing. No spontaneity, no freedom, no relaxation. But an organizer/day planner is going to have to make it's way into my life as a permanent fixture in the new year, I fear. I used to have a good memory and not need to write everything down; apparently having a child robs you of that ability. Sigh.
But it's nice to be done work. And not be stressed about it anymore. My two weeks weren't as bad as I feared and it was nice to see a lot of people I hadn't seen since I went on leave 15 months ago. I don't see myself ever working out there again, but I will visit. For the most part, there's a lot of good people in my company, but they tend to operate only according to predetermined policies and procedures, which, in turn, makes one want to stab themselves in the eye several times with a red-hot poker when dealing with them.
Onwards and upwards, I guess.
There's a timeline I'm trying to stick to to get things on the move. I want to have a whole pile of stuff done by Christmas, but now that I've finally given in and accepted that Christmas is in fact on Friday and not Saturday next week, I don't know if I'll have enough time. Add into the mix the Christmas dinner we're hosting (and cooking) and shopping and family/friend obliagtions... eep.
I'm seriously thinking about making time management/life organization my number on resolution this year. I have an idea of what I need to get done most days, but accomplishing even half of that list is becoming more and more impossible. And it's not like I've taken on a lot of extra work or anything - it's just simple mismanagement of my time. Maddy does not need me right beside her when she's playing anymore; she can play with her toys quite well by herself and I can still see here and talk to her from the kitchen while I do dishes/bake/cook. There is no harm in starting to integrate a little independence into her life at this age. But my time with her is just the tipping point of my time management issues.
I've thought about using an organizer and scheduling my life hour-by-hour, but that just seems like it would suck. And be depressing. No spontaneity, no freedom, no relaxation. But an organizer/day planner is going to have to make it's way into my life as a permanent fixture in the new year, I fear. I used to have a good memory and not need to write everything down; apparently having a child robs you of that ability. Sigh.
But it's nice to be done work. And not be stressed about it anymore. My two weeks weren't as bad as I feared and it was nice to see a lot of people I hadn't seen since I went on leave 15 months ago. I don't see myself ever working out there again, but I will visit. For the most part, there's a lot of good people in my company, but they tend to operate only according to predetermined policies and procedures, which, in turn, makes one want to stab themselves in the eye several times with a red-hot poker when dealing with them.
Onwards and upwards, I guess.
Precipice
With less than 2 days of work to go (Friday is our company Christmas party and an early release from work afternoon), I've managed to keep fairly 'busy' doing 'things' at my not-as-ugly-as-I-remember job. I didn't have much to do with the last issue of the year last week during production and have spent the majority of my 8 days archiving and tidying.
The excitement. It never ends.
This is why tomorrow, I plan on spending my day doing as little actual constructive work as possible. I have one thing that has to be done - a wrap-up/to-do list for my replacement. If all goes according to plan, she'll be the one who's been doing my job for the last few months. And because my company is completely inept when it comes to being proactive about training and management, she's missing big chunks of how the office is actually supposed to run. It doesn't help that the previous manager is/was a moron and that the new one wants as little to do with the non-newspaper side of the office as possible. He (the new boss, who just strikes me as off in a way I can't quite put my finger on) has yet to realize that he's the one who is responsible for everything that goes on in the office and that he is the face of the office. He is expected to attend certain events; he is expected to do things that he is asked to; he has responsibilities that his staff can not, nor should not, do. And then there's his abject opposition to the weather...
Tomorrow is my last real day of work at the paper. I don't know if I'll ever work at another paper, but if I do, it won't be for a while. A long while. I think this job has done what every other newspaper job has threatened to do: change my approach to my career. I like designing. I like editing. I hate writing. I want to design and edit for a living. There are no jobs for designing editors around here, so I have to make one for myself.
My plan tomorrow is to have a cup of coffee (or several) and go through 50 of the world's best design blogs (found via Etsy's Twitter feed). I'm not sure if I'll find inspiration or discouragement by gorging myself on other people's designs, but I think it's a nice way to spend a day, trapped in a sunless office with a boss who barely speaks.
I'm still working on what I'm going to do after Friday. I have a list that I'm working on of what I can do, what I want to do, and what I have to do. I've been tossing around the idea of setting a deadline for myself - if I don't make $X by X day, I have to find a job - but I worry that doing something like that is only going to force me to either produce shit or give up and just get a damn job. I don't want a damn job, I want to work for myself. Problem is, what the hell am I going to do to keep from having to get that damn job?
The excitement. It never ends.
This is why tomorrow, I plan on spending my day doing as little actual constructive work as possible. I have one thing that has to be done - a wrap-up/to-do list for my replacement. If all goes according to plan, she'll be the one who's been doing my job for the last few months. And because my company is completely inept when it comes to being proactive about training and management, she's missing big chunks of how the office is actually supposed to run. It doesn't help that the previous manager is/was a moron and that the new one wants as little to do with the non-newspaper side of the office as possible. He (the new boss, who just strikes me as off in a way I can't quite put my finger on) has yet to realize that he's the one who is responsible for everything that goes on in the office and that he is the face of the office. He is expected to attend certain events; he is expected to do things that he is asked to; he has responsibilities that his staff can not, nor should not, do. And then there's his abject opposition to the weather...
Tomorrow is my last real day of work at the paper. I don't know if I'll ever work at another paper, but if I do, it won't be for a while. A long while. I think this job has done what every other newspaper job has threatened to do: change my approach to my career. I like designing. I like editing. I hate writing. I want to design and edit for a living. There are no jobs for designing editors around here, so I have to make one for myself.
My plan tomorrow is to have a cup of coffee (or several) and go through 50 of the world's best design blogs (found via Etsy's Twitter feed). I'm not sure if I'll find inspiration or discouragement by gorging myself on other people's designs, but I think it's a nice way to spend a day, trapped in a sunless office with a boss who barely speaks.
I'm still working on what I'm going to do after Friday. I have a list that I'm working on of what I can do, what I want to do, and what I have to do. I've been tossing around the idea of setting a deadline for myself - if I don't make $X by X day, I have to find a job - but I worry that doing something like that is only going to force me to either produce shit or give up and just get a damn job. I don't want a damn job, I want to work for myself. Problem is, what the hell am I going to do to keep from having to get that damn job?
Awe.Some.
I go back to my job next Monday, working 2 weeks at full-time hours in order to avoid repaying my employer the few thousand dollars they used to 'top up' my EI payments for 17 weeks. I am also starting the last 2 weeks at said job next Monday.
Because I work for a procedure and policy crazy company, I am not allowed to either be demoted or cut my hours for my position. So I quit. Not officially yet, though... I'm making them wait until Monday when I can access my work email to send the official word. This also delays their search for my replacement by a week, missing out on the ever-popular weekend help wanted ads. But I know, and they likely know, too, that the person who will get my job is doing my job right now as my 'replacement'.
Maybe this happened for a reason. I certainly was not looking forward to going back to work. Especially at this job. I've lost a lot of admiration for my job over the last 18-20 months. I like being a designer and editor, but not under severe restrictions and rules. So maybe this decision by my boss and his boss (and likely with heavy handed input from HR) is going to make my hopes to be self-employed move a little faster. I haven't really done anything beyond work on some designs and collect some graphics for the last few weeks, but now, with no job after the 18th, which also means no income, maybe getting back to work on actually legitimately starting this 'business' is something I should be doing.
Or maybe I should just go and find a part-time job for a bit to help with bills while I work on my plans. I don't want to assume that I'm going to find a job immediately - it is the Christmas season, but I finish at my job a week before Christmas, so it's pretty unlikely I'd start anywhere for a while - but I need to have a plan. Or several.
I have no idea what the future holds, but I don't plan on just throwing in the towel and taking whatever job I can. I need to keep my family in mind when looking and I'd like to actually like my job for a change, and if I can find something that's a little different from what I tend to end up doing (cooking, newspapers), even better. A little change of pace probably wouldn't hurt.
In a perfect world, I wouldn't go back to work at all and happily do my 'specialized stationery', as I've started referring to my projects as, staying at home, raising my daughter. Money wouldn't be an issue and it would be all sunshine and rainbows all the time. In reality, we have bills to pay, a house to maintain and a daughter to raise. I have a feeling that I'm going to lose this battle and end up working full-time anyway, putting my dreams on hold, yet again, potentially forever this time.
Because I work for a procedure and policy crazy company, I am not allowed to either be demoted or cut my hours for my position. So I quit. Not officially yet, though... I'm making them wait until Monday when I can access my work email to send the official word. This also delays their search for my replacement by a week, missing out on the ever-popular weekend help wanted ads. But I know, and they likely know, too, that the person who will get my job is doing my job right now as my 'replacement'.
Maybe this happened for a reason. I certainly was not looking forward to going back to work. Especially at this job. I've lost a lot of admiration for my job over the last 18-20 months. I like being a designer and editor, but not under severe restrictions and rules. So maybe this decision by my boss and his boss (and likely with heavy handed input from HR) is going to make my hopes to be self-employed move a little faster. I haven't really done anything beyond work on some designs and collect some graphics for the last few weeks, but now, with no job after the 18th, which also means no income, maybe getting back to work on actually legitimately starting this 'business' is something I should be doing.
Or maybe I should just go and find a part-time job for a bit to help with bills while I work on my plans. I don't want to assume that I'm going to find a job immediately - it is the Christmas season, but I finish at my job a week before Christmas, so it's pretty unlikely I'd start anywhere for a while - but I need to have a plan. Or several.
I have no idea what the future holds, but I don't plan on just throwing in the towel and taking whatever job I can. I need to keep my family in mind when looking and I'd like to actually like my job for a change, and if I can find something that's a little different from what I tend to end up doing (cooking, newspapers), even better. A little change of pace probably wouldn't hurt.
In a perfect world, I wouldn't go back to work at all and happily do my 'specialized stationery', as I've started referring to my projects as, staying at home, raising my daughter. Money wouldn't be an issue and it would be all sunshine and rainbows all the time. In reality, we have bills to pay, a house to maintain and a daughter to raise. I have a feeling that I'm going to lose this battle and end up working full-time anyway, putting my dreams on hold, yet again, potentially forever this time.
Life
Things have been crazy lately - Keith gone for a week, Maddy growing so fast, my computer dying twice, doctor's appointments, yardwork... so, of course, I've put off a few things, like this blog.
Every time I think I should post something, 'life' happens. Right now, we're dealing with our daughter's sleep issues by using the Ferber method to help both her and us get a good night of sleep for the first time in almost 8 months. There's also the ongoing battle to organize the laundry room, our filing system and our finances. I'm still working on a plan to make some extra money this winter so I don't have to work full-time. And yet, life continues to roll on.
I have a pile of coupons that have to be clipped for our monthly shopping expedition next week, there's a pile of envelopes sitting beside my computer waiting to be opened (no bills, though, thankfully), and I know there's a million other things that I have to do to try to stay sane. Yet, I keep putting a lot of that stuff off, leaving me feeling very overwhelmed.
And no matter how many times I try to get organized, I fail. I don't know if it's a lack of knowledge about how to organize properly or if it's just laziness and cutting corners, but something has to be done so things aren't constantly being put aside, to do another day.
Perhaps today's the day I get organized. A girl can dream, can't she?
Every time I think I should post something, 'life' happens. Right now, we're dealing with our daughter's sleep issues by using the Ferber method to help both her and us get a good night of sleep for the first time in almost 8 months. There's also the ongoing battle to organize the laundry room, our filing system and our finances. I'm still working on a plan to make some extra money this winter so I don't have to work full-time. And yet, life continues to roll on.
I have a pile of coupons that have to be clipped for our monthly shopping expedition next week, there's a pile of envelopes sitting beside my computer waiting to be opened (no bills, though, thankfully), and I know there's a million other things that I have to do to try to stay sane. Yet, I keep putting a lot of that stuff off, leaving me feeling very overwhelmed.
And no matter how many times I try to get organized, I fail. I don't know if it's a lack of knowledge about how to organize properly or if it's just laziness and cutting corners, but something has to be done so things aren't constantly being put aside, to do another day.
Perhaps today's the day I get organized. A girl can dream, can't she?
Where were we?
After a lengthy absence, I'm back to blogging. At least at this location - I had another blog at a different address, but teh subscription to that lapsed a couple of years ago and I didn't see the ened to either move everything to this address or carry on, for that matter. And now, with what some may think is an absolute lack of time to do anything beyond necessary day-to-day duties, I've decided to start blogging again. Let's see how long this keeps up, shall we?
I'm not exactly sure who is going to be reading this - I don't know if anyone has a subscription to this blog, but I do remember several spam emails a few years ago about this blog and 'subscribers', so we'll see if they happen to pop up again. I'm sure I'll start to see people I know/have known come around sooner or later (hello Mikey!) but for now, this is probably going to be an exercise in what appears to be futility. And frankly, I don't give a rat's ass.
There's no specific theme for this blog. Off the top of my head, the only things I can forsee not discussing in my rather round-about way are nuclear physics, NASCAR and philosophy (and only because I don't understand it). But I've been wrong about thigs before and it wouldn't surprise me if I'm wrong about excluding those particular topics (imagine all 3 in one post! oooooh!).
Yeah, the place looks like shit right now. I've got a six month old baby. Suffer. There are small blocks of time during the day where I do as much as I can to keep life flowing along. Things get skipped or pushed to another day all the time. Again, suffer.
So, yeah, that's about it. I'll post random bits of this and that and see how it goes. I think this will end up being a more cathartic exercise for me than an entertaining one for you, which is good, because I haven't worked or written seriously in almost a year. I feel like that part of my brain has started to melt and if I don't do something (ie. blog), I'll go nuts. So here goes...
I'm not exactly sure who is going to be reading this - I don't know if anyone has a subscription to this blog, but I do remember several spam emails a few years ago about this blog and 'subscribers', so we'll see if they happen to pop up again. I'm sure I'll start to see people I know/have known come around sooner or later (hello Mikey!) but for now, this is probably going to be an exercise in what appears to be futility. And frankly, I don't give a rat's ass.
There's no specific theme for this blog. Off the top of my head, the only things I can forsee not discussing in my rather round-about way are nuclear physics, NASCAR and philosophy (and only because I don't understand it). But I've been wrong about thigs before and it wouldn't surprise me if I'm wrong about excluding those particular topics (imagine all 3 in one post! oooooh!).
Yeah, the place looks like shit right now. I've got a six month old baby. Suffer. There are small blocks of time during the day where I do as much as I can to keep life flowing along. Things get skipped or pushed to another day all the time. Again, suffer.
So, yeah, that's about it. I'll post random bits of this and that and see how it goes. I think this will end up being a more cathartic exercise for me than an entertaining one for you, which is good, because I haven't worked or written seriously in almost a year. I feel like that part of my brain has started to melt and if I don't do something (ie. blog), I'll go nuts. So here goes...
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